Love is Not a Victory March
by Mia-Zeklos
Summary: "If there was one thing that Jace hated about as much as he hated demons, it was silence, especially if it was loaded with things that no one wanted to say." Coda to 1x12.


**Notes: I got a prompt inspired by a song - namely, Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley, where the title comes from too - and this is what came out of it.**

If there was one thing that Jace hated about as much as he hated demons, it was silence, especially if it was loaded with things that no one wanted to say.

Jace thought he knew Alec well enough to be sure that he wouldn't be the one to break down first, but he was wrong there too. There were few things he could predict about Alec at this point and even thinking about it hurt.

"I'm sorry," Alec blurted out and Jace turned to look at him. Alec's eyes were determined as if for once, he wanted to speak until he ran out of things to say. "I'm sorry I went so far and I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. I didn't want any of this to happen and I don't know how we ended up here, Jace, I-"

"Shh." Jace tried to calm him down, placing his hand over his parabatai's. Touch had always seemed to ground Alec more than anything and it worked now. He fell quiet, although it was clear that he was still distressed. "Alec, it's okay. _We're_ okay. It's over now."

Nothing was really over, but Jace didn't want to point that out – they all knew it and it Alec's _wedding_ was tomorrow. Even under the current circumstances, it was better to take things one at a time. Most of the things that had happened to Jace weren't even Alec's fault – he wasn't to blame for the situation with Clary and his father, but Jace didn't want to bring that up either – digging deeper into it would only make him feel worse than he already did.

They'd both gone too far. Looking back at everything that had happened over the last few weeks, Jace could see how things had slowly got out of control to the point where neither of them had been able to contain the damage.

And the damage was all the more obvious now. Alec had never been prone to too much talking, but Jace had always been an exception to that rule. In the weeks that had let up to the two of them becoming parabatai, they'd had conversations that had lasted for _hours_ as they'd tried to get to know each other as well as possible.

Everything had changed after the ceremony. They didn't need as many words to understand each other once they'd been bonded and the absence of that understanding had been physically painful – _literally_ , as Jace remembered with startling clarity – and the realisation that their bond still hadn't repaired fully was more difficult to bear than he was willing to admit. He tried to reach out for Alec and could _feel_ how difficult it was now.

And it wasn't just their bond; Alec kept his distance more than he ever had before. Over the years, Jace had got used to the fact that even if Alec wasn't too comfortable with other people touching him, it was different for Jace because _everything_ was different for him and this Alec who shied away from his touch and treated him the way he treated everyone else made him feel like screaming.

"Talk to me," he demanded bluntly instead. He could keep his emotions in check when needed but that didn't mean he had to _like_ it. "This time tomorrow we'll be at your wedding and I'd really like to know how did _that_ happen, and also what we're supposed to do."

"Have you ever been at a wedding?" Alec asked and Jace shook his head, surrendering to the fact that the first part of his question would be ignored. "It's pretty simple. You just have to hold my stele and my wedding gift – it's a necklace – and we'll do the rest on our own."

"This sounds like battle strategy." _And definitely not like wedding planning_. Jace might have as well said it; it hung in the air even when unacknowledged.

Alec shrugged. "It is."

At least he was honest about it. "Are you _sure_ you want to go through with this?" Jace pressed carefully. He didn't want Alec to get defensive again but wasn't sure how to handle the matter delicately.

"Yes." The answer was firm enough to show that Alec considered the topic closed. "Lydia isn't as bad as you think," he continued. "We work great together."

"It's not Lydia I'm worried about," Jace pointed out. "It's _you_. You shouldn't just-"

"Yes, I should. And I will," Alec cut him off and finally stopped avoiding eye contact. He looked up and gave Jace a smile that was probably meant to be reassuring despite the tension written all over his face. "That doesn't have to change anything for us. It's just- we'll lead the Institute together, but that's all."

"You don't need help to do that."

"I do," Alec said, looking back down at his shoes. "I do. I just thought-"

Jace let himself imagine it for a second; the world as they'd seen it before. Alec would be Head of the Institute one day and Jace would be his right hand, handling some of the work, preferably the mission assignments. It was how they'd always planned it and Jace felt as if he'd got a glimpse of the life they'd had such high hopes for before.

"Yeah," he said, "me too."

Alec still wouldn't look at him, but one of his arms wrapped around Jace's waist and brought him closer into a half-hug. Jace could feel his presence through their bond, as physical as the pin had been before. He could almost imagine it; the way the connection patched itself up bit by bit, thriving on the lack of distance between them.

"Stay with me," Alec said and his voice was heavy with something that Jace couldn't quite decipher.

"Always," Jace said, leaning his head on Alec's shoulder, pressing against him as their pieces finally fitted together again.


End file.
